Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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