1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
