I must be too annoying 4 u.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
