We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
