i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
