I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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