Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
