I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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