Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
