i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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