Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
