i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
