You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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