from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
