I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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