I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
