Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
