His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
