She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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