dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
