I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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