I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
