susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
