im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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