i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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