My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
