When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
