is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
