Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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