I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
