New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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