I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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