ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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