I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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