There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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