if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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