Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
