you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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