Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
