So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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