So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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