i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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