oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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