hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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