I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
