Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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(203): View more from Connecticut

doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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(903): View more from Texas

I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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(207): View more from Maine

just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.

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(804): View more from Virginia

He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test

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(928): View more from Arizona

It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album

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