Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

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  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (538) Bad night (1802)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.

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  (503): I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink. http://tfl.nu/0fnk
  Replies (114) Good night (3802) Bad night (634)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

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  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (4056) Bad night (623)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay

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  (910): Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay http://tfl.nu/jut6
  Replies (36) Good night (738) Bad night (3361)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You know how I know you're gay?

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  (218): Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments (320): You know how I know you're gay? http://tfl.nu/13va
  Replies (36) Good night (6812) Bad night (1011)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6875) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8878) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list

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  (647): Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list http://tfl.nu/yikq
  Replies (23) Good night (4972) Bad night (880)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

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  (716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7
  Replies (17) Good night (1310) Bad night (3218)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.

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  (949): The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk. http://tfl.nu/ipq9
  Replies (16) Good night (1190) Bad night (697)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed

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  (585): If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/2pf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1709) Bad night (440)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?

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  (405): Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it? http://tfl.nu/wmow
  Replies (1) Good night (736) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?

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  (205): You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street? http://tfl.nu/z15o
  Replies (2) Good night (938) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.

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  (281): Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice. http://tfl.nu/w31k
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.

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  (608): I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style. http://tfl.nu/y30w
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (213)

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