WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"