Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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(619): View more from California

I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool

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(513): View more from Ohio

you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(631): View more from New York

"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence

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(503): View more from Oregon

Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Um. I literally have no words.

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(407): View more from Florida

Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom

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