I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom