the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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