Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.