ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know