Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

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  (330): so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv. http://tfl.nu/d9vr
  Replies (61) Good night (2171) Bad night (590)
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  (650): View more from California

  i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

  (408): View more from California

  Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

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  (650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner! (408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... http://tfl.nu/1sp2
  Replies (41) Good night (3406) Bad night (777)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel

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  (215): she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel http://tfl.nu/yxdc
  Replies (16) Good night (551) Bad night (4024)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life

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  (817): they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/g989
  Replies (8) Good night (3300) Bad night (839)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.

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  (717): he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/6ugt
  Replies (56) Good night (8877) Bad night (1076)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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  (920): Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out. http://tfl.nu/bwpe
  Replies (7) Good night (1487) Bad night (4598)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.

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  (617): My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning. http://tfl.nu/kt95
  Replies (24) Good night (5384) Bad night (1477)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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  (214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt
  Replies (5) Good night (1590) Bad night (728)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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  (678): All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/jvfd
  Replies (6) Good night (1247) Bad night (979)
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  (914): View more from New York

  You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.

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  (914): You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting. http://tfl.nu/59xa
  Replies (5) Good night (1141) Bad night (1170)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...

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  (908): Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night... http://tfl.nu/qo8t
  Replies (5) Good night (1065) Bad night (558)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I come from her. Holy hell.

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  (404): After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now" (404): I come from her. Holy hell. http://tfl.nu/sgm7
  Replies (13) Good night (3107) Bad night (473)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.

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  (314): My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done. http://tfl.nu/u7ub
  Replies (1) Good night (803) Bad night (284)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT

  (254): View more from Texas

  ^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.

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  (254): GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT (254): ^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out. http://tfl.nu/79e1
  Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (263)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.

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  (803): His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart. http://tfl.nu/mpsg
  Replies (7) Good night (507) Bad night (1134)

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