the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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