my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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