Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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