I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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