Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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