The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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