Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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