What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
