Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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