If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I deserve this hangover.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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