i can't believe i had my finger in that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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