She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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