how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
