She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
love makes seman taste better
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
