I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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