Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
