Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
