ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
