dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
