He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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