Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
