I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
