She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
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I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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