dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize